| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
Moonpies
Suspiciously Absent
Joined: 13 Sep 2006
Posts: 21
|
 Posted: Tue Jan 09, 2007 9:46 pm Post subject: 0113 Video - Free Script |
 |
|
Yes, the plot is starting to move along but the writing is getting pretty sloppy. Here is how I would love to see the next video play out. . .
(The usually sunlit-blessed study in Jonas' house is surprisingly dark. Daniel flicks on a desk lamp for clarity. Jonas is fiddling in the background, reorganizing some books).
Daniel: Okay, it's late. (he looks back, camera follows him to show a digital clock reading 2:37am). Really late. But Bree finally left her room. She's in the kitchen and Jonas and I are going in for the kill.
Jonas: So to speak.
Daniel: Right. Plan A failed for Jonas. I failed with Plan B. It's time for Plan Bree.
Jonas: The kid gloves are off, beast boy. (Jonas approaches camera) It's intervention time.
(Jonas picks up camera and they head out to the kitchen where Bree is staring aimlessly at the opened fridge door)
Bree: Space. Please.
Daniel: (walking towards Bree) Your mother was wrong, Bree.
Bree: Go away, Daniel.
Daniel: Your mother was wrong.
Bree: I just need some space. Got it?
Daniel: She was wrong, Bree. It's okay to cry.
Bree: When I want your opinion -- IF I want your opinion -- I will let you --
Daniel: It's okay to cry, Bree. It's not a sign of weakness.
(Daniel lays out his arms, Bree sheepishly moves in for a hug)
Daniel: It's a sign of strength. Your mother was wrong, Bree.
Bree: Oh, Daniel. (hugs him back)
Daniel: She was wrong, Bree. Way wrong.
(Bree begins to cry)
Daniel: Keep it coming, Bree. Let it out.
(Bree cries louder, hugs him harder)
Bree: She wasn't even my mom!
Daniel: I know, Bree. Let it out.
Bree: She killed him, Daniel. She killed the only father I ever knew.
Daniel: I'm here for you. We're here for you.
Bree: She told him that if he went out to see me that she would have him followed. She is the reason he died.
Daniel: I know, Bree.
Bree (pulls away, sniffles, and wipes away at her tears, flashes a vengeful smile at the camera): But what they don't know is that my father told me everything. I know where they are. I know why they -- (faces Daniel) Can we go?
Daniel: Can we go where?
Bree: I know where they are, Daniel. They can't get to me if I get to them first. Can we go?
Daniel: (looks at Jonas) I don't know if that's such a good idea, Bree.
Bree: Who is being weak now?
Daniel: They've got guns. They've got connections.
Bree: They've got weaknesses. Besides, it's only a matter of time before they find us here. (faces Jonas) You know that, don't you Jonas?
(camera nods in agreement)
Daniel: Okay then. Kid gloves? Off. |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
angie78gg
Thor's Hammer
Joined: 04 Oct 2006
Posts: 1220
|
| Posted: Tue Jan 09, 2007 10:57 pm Post subject: |
|
|
That would so awesome. Nice plot there, hopefully something close to that happens soon.
_________________
If you don't like it. All I can tell you to do is, get over it! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
iamcool
The Order of Denderah
Joined: 01 Oct 2006
Posts: 5981
Location: England
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 5:32 am Post subject: |
|
|
that was a reeeely good script
_________________
my name is josh, not iamcool or iam or cool
cooltron5000 is also accepted
My lawyers told me to edit the content of this signature so i didn't get sued
Me and Oobles are 'TWAT's - 'The Worldwide Association of Threadjacking'  |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
iamcool
The Order of Denderah
Joined: 01 Oct 2006
Posts: 5981
Location: England
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 5:33 am Post subject: |
|
|
they will probably do the opposite now u have posted that lol
_________________
my name is josh, not iamcool or iam or cool
cooltron5000 is also accepted
My lawyers told me to edit the content of this signature so i didn't get sued
Me and Oobles are 'TWAT's - 'The Worldwide Association of Threadjacking' |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Moonpies
Suspiciously Absent
Joined: 13 Sep 2006
Posts: 21
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:10 am Post subject: |
|
|
| iamcool wrote: | | they will probably do the opposite now u have posted that lol |
Yep, they do tend to zag when the community zigs.
I just wish that they would sit down and get one great episode a week done instead of trying to squeeze out three somewhat mediocre ones. Some of the episodes -- like the latest one -- feel as if they are just biding their time by dragging out the inevitable.
The whole Sam Has 7 Friends online serial had its flaws but at least it felt as if every episode mattered. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Maccaboy17
Lonely Fan
Joined: 14 Nov 2006
Posts: 168
Location: Great Britain
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 12:02 pm Post subject: |
|
|
geat idea for a script in principle (not sure bree would speak quite like that although Jonas was pretty dead on)
i hope they do somehting like that, nut we might have to wait a while for a scene like that, firstly to be realistic on how long it takes bree to get over it, and secondly so that they reherse it like mad and make it absolutely perfect
but as iamcool and moonpies have said they shall nodoubt do it completely differently
_________________
God is not on the side of the big battalions but on the finest shots |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Moonpies
Suspiciously Absent
Joined: 13 Sep 2006
Posts: 21
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 12:49 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Maccaboy17 wrote: | geat idea for a script in principle (not sure bree would speak quite like that although Jonas was pretty dead on)
|
Well, I'm just taking Bree into her likely direction after she breaks out of the mope-along cocoon. Bree has lived a sheltered life. It's why she talks to her stuffed animals and has that childhood enthusiasm that shines through in the early videos. Since the fake ceremony-parental abduction-parking garage mishap, she has recoiled but that child inside hasn't been snuffed out.
Once she snaps to -- and that really should be sooner than you think because even though her "dad" was shot a week ago she has been on her own for a few months now -- her first instinct will be revenge. Revenge on The Order for defrauding her all her life, for her mother, and most importantly to avenge the shooting of her adopted father. Obviously Bree is not going to go all Rambo on us, though that would be the knee-jerk childish reaction of someone who has had the weight of sorrow lifted off her shoulders.
Maybe the stakeout on The Order leads to the abduction of Gemma or Lucy. Trust in The Creators to milk this story for all it's worth, but to expect Bree to mope around for a few more weeks when a heinous crime goes unpunished. If there's a tangled web of clues and plot twists to get there, so be it, but let it start. One can only feel sorry for Bree for so long. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Maccaboy17
Lonely Fan
Joined: 14 Nov 2006
Posts: 168
Location: Great Britain
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 2:33 pm Post subject: |
|
|
actually her dad was shot on new years eve, its nearly been two weeks, bree has probably had long enought to mope, she should come back to a more normal state fairly soon
I hope
_________________
God is not on the side of the big battalions but on the finest shots |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
djmadscribbler
Devoted Fan
Joined: 14 Dec 2006
Posts: 689
Location: The outer reaches of the inner circle
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 4:40 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Maccaboy17 wrote: | actually her dad was shot on new years eve, its nearly been two weeks, bree has probably had long enought to mope, she should come back to a more normal state fairly soon
I hope |
I second that. I agree that the Creators had to give her time to mourn for realism's sake, but they have to balance that with keeping the story engaging (which means moving forward at least a little bit). I hope something happens soon.
_________________
We shall nonetheless move forward to carve a name for ourselves in the annals of bold insurgency and death-defying derring-do. Once I have a keen blade at my hip and the Jolly Roger is flapping high above me, I believe I will find my true calling. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
AniDonia
Lonely Fan
Joined: 24 Nov 2006
Posts: 164
Location: The Deuce
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 5:00 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I don't want to sound mean, but that script... made me throw up in my mouth.
Seriously, it reminded me of the fanfiction from back in the day when I was a 14-year-old X-Phile. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
MrsCop
Devoted Fan
Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 525
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 5:14 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| AniDonia wrote: | | I don't want to sound mean, but that script... made me throw up in my mouth. |
WAY off topic, of course, but I just realized:
There is NOTHING wrong with my VIVID imagination!!!!
_________________
"Not dumb just severly off topic"
~tigerlilylynn |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Moonpies
Suspiciously Absent
Joined: 13 Sep 2006
Posts: 21
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 5:59 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| AniDonia wrote: | | I don't want to sound mean, but that script... made me throw up in my mouth. |
Tasty! Though I'm guessing that you probably wouldn't be too impressed with the transcripts of most of the real LG15 videos either. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Forgotten Purity
Lonely Fan
Joined: 10 Jan 2007
Posts: 227
Location: ...Kinda squishy in here...
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 6:40 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Sorry, but I don't it all that much. Jonas hardly had a line and Bree and Daniel were pretty far out of character. As for her "mom" killing her "father," pretty realistic. I wouldn't mind seeing that much in the future. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Maccaboy17
Lonely Fan
Joined: 14 Nov 2006
Posts: 168
Location: Great Britain
|
| Posted: Wed Jan 10, 2007 6:47 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Forgotten Purity wrote: | | Sorry, but I don't it all that much. Jonas hardly had a line and Bree and Daniel were pretty far out of character. As for her "mom" killing her "father," pretty realistic. I wouldn't mind seeing that much in the future. |
in that situation i reckon jonas would throw in lots of of his little comments, i said early that i thought bree and daniels stuff wasnt right (although along the right lines just the wrong words)
but, as it has now been written in the forum it wont happen
_________________
God is not on the side of the big battalions but on the finest shots |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
AniDonia
Lonely Fan
Joined: 24 Nov 2006
Posts: 164
Location: The Deuce
|
| Posted: Thu Jan 11, 2007 6:57 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Moonpies wrote: | | AniDonia wrote: | | I don't want to sound mean, but that script... made me throw up in my mouth. |
Tasty! Though I'm guessing that you probably wouldn't be too impressed with the transcripts of most of the real LG15 videos either. |
Seems like you haven't actually read the transcripts of the real LG15 videos then. You know, the ones where they talk like, oh i dunno... real people? |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
FAQ
Search
Memberlist
Usergroups
Register
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
