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S is for Summer Lonely Fan
Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 223
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Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 3:46 am Post subject: |
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toadlguy wrote: | I seem to be the only one working here but I think line two is
The myope poet's needy old friend
The myope (someone who sees blury images) poet is cassie
and her needy friend is Frank
I am done - I hope someone finishes this - lines 3 and 4 need work |
Just coming into this, so please, please forgive me if I've missed something; I haven't read back through the thread yet.
Anyway, my thought: Regardless of whether CiW is canon, in her universe she is, so it stands to reason that she really does consider herself once-upon-a-time friends with Bree. So wouldn't she maybe be Cassie's needy old friend? Frank seems more like a new friend. _________________ Team Daniel! |
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curriguy Enthusiastic Fan

Joined: 14 Sep 2006 Posts: 397
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Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 4:46 am Post subject: |
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couldn't cassie's old, needy friend be Bree as well?
so, we just got done working on "WHY" and were told you needed help over here...
but as far as I can tell, the poem looks pretty good. |
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S is for Summer Lonely Fan
Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 223
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Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 4:49 am Post subject: |
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I'm with Curriguy, it looks pretty darned good to me. _________________ Team Daniel! |
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Hodabes Enthusiastic Fan

Joined: 11 Sep 2006 Posts: 255
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Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 4:57 am Post subject: |
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I still have a problem with:
the myope poet's old needy friend
Aren't all of the lines in every other poem eight syllables? It doesn't flow. |
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Mordrack Lonely Fan

Joined: 01 Oct 2006 Posts: 186
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Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 5:01 am Post subject: |
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I can only agree, it just doesn't flow and it doesn't fit the iamb|iamb|iamb|iamb pattern. |
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curriguy Enthusiastic Fan

Joined: 14 Sep 2006 Posts: 397
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Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 5:01 am Post subject: |
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edit: nm, i found a flaw.
Last edited by curriguy on Tue Oct 03, 2006 5:13 am; edited 1 time in total |
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bosquelito Enthusiastic Fan

Joined: 27 Sep 2006 Posts: 328
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Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 5:03 am Post subject: |
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Doesn't fit the meter.
The rest of the lines in the poem do.
Something's off there _________________ How many threads would a moderator thread if a moderator could thread threads? |
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Mordrack Lonely Fan

Joined: 01 Oct 2006 Posts: 186
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Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 5:05 am Post subject: |
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Quote: | Doesn't fit the meter.
The rest of the lines in the poem do. |
"i tossed a corpse in soil fenced" doesn't seem to fit the meter, either. |
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plaxi Suspiciously Absent
Joined: 27 Sep 2006 Posts: 7
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Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 5:10 am Post subject: |
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Quote: | "i tossed a corpse in soil fenced" doesn't seem to fit the meter, either. |
or the image, which suggests that line should start "if" or "it". |
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Dunneh Casual Observer
Joined: 25 Sep 2006 Posts: 51
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Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 5:13 am Post subject: |
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I agree, theres something off about those lines. The first one is right though, so the second lind would have to rhyme with defend.
EDIT: I'll help but I have to have dinner first. _________________ "Cheese it!" *runs* |
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bosquelito Enthusiastic Fan

Joined: 27 Sep 2006 Posts: 328
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kristy2520 Casual Observer
Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 65
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Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 6:17 am Post subject: |
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"needy old friend" just doesn't sound right to me. I thought the last two words were "only friend" but then I could never figure out the beginning, but maybe others can work with that and see since I really haven't had that much time to work with this. |
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ihavenopantson Casual Observer

Joined: 17 Sep 2006 Posts: 61
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Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 6:44 am Post subject: |
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for line 2
the doe-eyed moppet's only friend
moppet = young child |
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mobilesskwrking Suspiciously Absent
Joined: 17 Sep 2006 Posts: 14
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Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 7:01 am Post subject: |
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good job ihavenopantson....that's gotta be it for line 2 |
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Dunneh Casual Observer
Joined: 25 Sep 2006 Posts: 51
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Posted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 7:15 am Post subject: |
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That could be right. It's the best one I've heard so far. The first line is taken be reversing the back to the front.
DEED IF NULL YOW | A ED GEE HI STINT
YOU WILL DEFEND | IN THE GARDEN
Which becomes
IN THE GARDEN YOU WILL DEFEND
Thus all lines would be like that. It works if the line is divided like this:
ED FIR NYLON | DEED SEETHE MOP TYPO
ONLY FRIEND | THE DOE EYED MOPPETS
But it doesn't if the line is divided after DEED. Though I'm not sure where the divide lines are supposed to be. _________________ "Cheese it!" *runs* |
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