|Date Posted||February 7th, 2008|
|Description|| This is me kind of venting/gushing/discovering what I think.|
|YouTube Tags||marla marlasinger singer maddison atkins maddisonatkins amblyopianne My Perspective Clara Stokes|
|Next||"I lost/won the debate with myself"|
(Marla is sitting on the floor in front of the couch.)
Marla: It’s really really easy to sit from 3000 miles away and type on a computer. Um, and tell me what I should and should not be doing. It was really easy doing that for Maddison. And it was really easy doing that for Clara. And being here… is not easy like that. It’s totally different. Being here strips me of all the confidence that I had sitting at my computer thinking about what I knew was right, and what the next step was, and who I should talk to. Um... and that’s scary. I know I have friends in everybody online and I know that you’re just trying to help. And, down here I don’t really have anybody anymore. I mean I have friends um, but those friends don’t really know me inside of all this. They know me as the new girl in town. Um, and we go do fun things, but since Adam moved and since Clara’s been totally missing in action, I’m alone. And no, I don’t talk to people about this stuff. I don’t go around advertising that I know Maddison Atkins and that I’m investigating her murder. And that I um, you know, I knew about Frady, and, and I think that there’s a conspiracy behind all that. That’s a bad idea. Um, I think that we should probably learn from our mistakes. (long pause) I just think that I should, play this safe. And, um (sighs) I wanna do this stuff. I want to investigate and I want to find out the truth. And, and I want to be... totally involved. And, I’m frightened. And that’s really tough to admit to you and to myself. (long pause) Um... I guess I could, I could go do everything you’re telling me to do. Um, I could go talk to Dr. Arscott, and ask him where Clara’s been cause I haven’t seen her. But, I somehow doubt that he’ll tell me. I meant that’s not really information for him to give out, right? Even if he does know. Um, (long pause) I’m worried about Clara. And I’m worried about what happened to Clara, because um, she’s definitely not who she used to be. When we met Clara she was a college student trying to finish her thesis and, we all tried to pull together to help her. And, the more involved she got, the more... broken she became. And when I look at her now, I don’t see the same person. I don’t even see that sort of defiant snarky girl anymore. I see she’s sort of empty. And I don’t know how that happened, but I know that it has something to do with her involvement. I know it has something to do with Maddison, and Frady, and what she went through. So, yeah, that scares me too. I mean, what’s going to happen to me. Not that anything’s happened, I mean I feel fine, um, and, ah, um, no one’s approached me and no one’s spoken to me, and I don’t have pigeons on my door or anything, but... what if, right?